Below are the 17 most recent journal entries recorded in coke_codeine's LiveJournal:

Sunday, October 9th, 2005
7:04 pm	side walking junkie filled with hazy thoughts Egghead220 (6:59:24 PM): what are they all after? RoughxDraft (7:00:23 PM): the same inebriated rush of lust Egghead220 (7:00:32 PM): what do you want? RoughxDraft (7:01:05 PM): a sober conversation. RoughxDraft (7:01:47 PM): if anything, holding hands for just the beauty in it. Egghead220 (7:01:57 PM): amen to that RoughxDraft (7:02:38 PM): its nowhere to be found anymore. its either i'm right and everyones too out of it to know it or i'm still stuck in fairytale stories, hoping for them to come true. i havnt updated in a while. i would do it today, but i have like a 4 page paper due tomorrow for english. yea. bye. Current Mood: blank (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 28th, 2005
12:47 am	mother wants to spontaniously go to central america for a week...like on tuesday... i dont really want to go. here's why. 1)i have work...finding people to cover is a bitch. 2)i have my first day of class like the next friggin day. i'll be so out of it its not even funny. 3)friends are all going to college while i'm away so i wont exactly be able to say bye. eh. 4)id have the house to myself. for like. alittle over a week. DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH I WOULD LOVE THAT?! 5)yea. i feel like i have lots of stuff to pay for. but i dont really think i do. i dont kno. heres why i want to 1)i wanna travel 2)its central america. its more beautiful then this town will ever be to me. 3) i get to see my grandmother and cousins. 4)AMAZING food. like wooow. 5)amazing weather. and i'm not talking just warm. its just friggin perfect. its not hot or cold. its perfect. 6)i feel stressed. what else is new? i think i wanna go now. but i dont think i can take off last minute from work. gr. i'll see about it tomorrow. BUT DAMNIT I WANNA JUST BE HOME. FOREVER. SLEEPING. i enjoy sleep. alot. i went to nyc today with my cousin stella and our friend john. i heard about this really nice place thats like vegetarian food, but they fry it. making it not all....healthy. yea. well. it was amazing. i think i'm gonna find out about more cafe places like that and just randomly go to nyc. fun fun :) that cheered me up alilbit bayside has a new cd out. that cheered me up alilbit i cannot WAIT till school starts. no really. i'm gonna throw myself into all the work head first. i wish i had a gift card to barnes and nobles that had an endless amount to it. actually. i wish i just lived at a barnes and nobles and i would set up my bed near one of the back corners and when friends came over they could either hang out in the kids section with those bean bag chairs or at the cafe area. yea. life would be good. this is a reaccuring dream actually. i like it. this week has been crazy. but its left me with my skin a little bit thicker, and my walls a little higher. i actually was looking at a bio about someone and it explained exactly how i feel at this moment in time. "I’m scared that I will undoubtedly fuck up anything that is good in my life. I’ll fuck it up partly because I am never satisfied and nothing is ever good enough for me, and partly, or rather: I’m never satisfied because I am so scared of getting fucked and not having control over getting fucked, that I would rather fuck it up myself. I’d rather ruin something myself, than take the chance of losing control over it. Although I am scared that this is true, I am not entirely convinced that I will always act this way. I think I have a strong tendency for this behavior, but so long as I am aware of it, I can at least diffuse it a little. Can’t I? Current Mood: jumpy (Comment on this)
Monday, August 1st, 2005
3:38 pm	razor sharp razor clean hahahahahahahahahaha oh boy. RIGHT! so. uh. i've just been hanging out with everyone. the number of days left for everyone to go off to college is getting smaller and smaller faster and faster. i'm gonna miss everyone a shitload. lets start off by where i think i left off. ive been working alot andall of a sudden my manager has decided to give me off 3 days in a row. i was like WOW. i'm still gonna quit as soon as i find a job that pays me better. i left my aviators in sarah's cousins car. i'm very sad. i looked so cool with them. haha. bc everyone knows i cant be kul without them. i went and hung out with sarah the other day and we drove around harasing people. fun fun! we met up with davey james and zuse[sp?] and they had just bought a kite ....they went and bought a kite to fly.... at night......i dont even kno where i'm going with that i just thought that was all odd n junk. then christina and miguel came. she gave me my graduation present. it was a picture of us in a frame...it was a really good picture too. woohoo! hurrah for good pictures. well anyway then we went to applebees and we laughed. there were these guys behind us and these girls that they knew came up and started talking to them now keep in mind these are college boys and college girls. but wow. these girls are friggin. wow. i have never felt so SMART before. they were so fuckin ditsy i wanted to just turn around and say STFU GO GET A BRAIN OR SOMETHING. yea.later on in the week i went with shawn to get my warped tickets. thats on the 14th. i get to see motion city again. sdlgkjhsdalkjgsdhlkjgdsh i'm bringing my dancing shoes for them. and others. but my dancing will all be for them. i'll just sing along to the rest. i dont even know. jess. a girl i met when i went to bridgewater prom called me out of nowhere and asked if i wanted to hang out with her the next day and i said cool. haha. they are all very nice. she lives in bumblefuck but its ok. it was like 45 minutes away n i'm like wow. we can get to nowhere in 45 minutes! i found it funny. shutup. we went to eat. they drank. i smoked. it was all pretty chill. there was some E there too. nothing worth mentioning tho. next day i hung out with the boys. theyre all sof's in college now but i do miss hanging out with them like every other day. that was what my sof and junior year consisted of. so we all got together and i even got to see monica who i hadnt seen in a really long time. we all hung out and then went to play pool. as everyone already knows i suck like nobodys buisness at pool. but its ok. im still awsome. came home late. spent the night at seths house where i fell asleep to him trying to seduce his ex bf into coming over and having sex. when he left i locked the door, i didnt feel like waking up to hearing both of them having a rump seccion[sp?] we basically just watched movies all night. i honestly a trying to catch up on my movies. its just not my fault if i know nothing. any suggestions about any movies i should be catching? the next day was saturday. it was sarah's party. lisa woke me up. its incredible how early this girl gets up when i want to sleep basically, she told me to get up and knowing she would keep calling i got up lol. we went shopping and its a good thing i went.i found a skirt i really really liked. it was priced at 23.99 and i got it for 12 bucks! saweeeet. haha. i came home and took a shower and did other girl stuff and then realized it was 7....thats so early. so then i talked to elise who was also bored. we decided to do something before the party. i think every time i talk to the girl i get constipated. gross right? yea. well. watever. she's so worth getting that over!she took a shower while i got dressed. again. went to mcdonalds and i felt like a camel drinking so much stuff. heather met up with us and all three of us talked about good times. heather dyed her hair a blond color. i like it. its diffrent from what she normally looks like. and i always think change is good. so i liked it.rich called, he was back from florida. we got into our normal back and fourth arguments. its fun actually. i ended up hanging up on him. after that elise went back home to get picked up by matt and me and heather headed to sbb to look at her senior memory book. i called richie to see if he wanted to hang before the party the douche was in bridgewater again and i yelled at him. then i hung up. again. so anyway we went to my house and she had pictures of us drinking during the summer in like....idk. 10th grade? and it was like the day after we had drank and we all were soooo hung over. i've never seen a picture of what i looked after drinking all night long. it was pretty funny. and something like holy shit i look like shit. yea. good times. elise called me later on and we headed over to the party with them. fun fun i got drunk. really really drunk. hahahahahahha. anyway. people drank/played beer pong/danced/walked around aimlessly/made fun of drunk people/ smoked cigs/smoked blunts/flirted/pissed/fell asleep in the rooms/puked in the backyard. yea. the usual killingbraincells tradition that us teenagers do. there were alot of people there. ALOT OF PEOPLE. monica came. i was happy, once again it comes to taking advantage of every moment u have with people you dont get a chance to see very often. she's one of the people i try my best to see as often as i can. heather didnt feel too good so i told her to lay down in sarah's cousins room,she spent the night there with davey watching over her. i was who knows where there whole night and at some point i got burned really bad by someones cigarette on my arm. finally when i needed a toliet to puke in and needed to lay down i asked chris v for a ride home.i went straight to bed and woke up at 6. and i couldnt go to sleep. WAT BS. i had the worst hangover. gez. so i called lisa. HAHAHAHAH payback for waking me up all early all those other times. she laughed at me. infact i dont think i will ever forget that laugh or why she was laughing,bc it makes me laugh and almost piss myself. it sounded something like butthead's laugh. from bevis and butthead. yea. it was great. heather left and went to work. i felt bad that everytime she comes and parties over here she gets sick. i woke up later that day to finally be able to stomach something and drank so much water. yea. i went over her house later on and we went to old navy and micheals. i plan on making shirts. lots and lots of them. specifically one that says gamemaster. dont get it? thats ok. your not suppose to. i came home and tried to sleep. but i failed horribly.daryl came soon after and dragged me to visit his grandparents. theyre so funny. theyre spanish, and old, and loud, and make amazing food that none of us can keep down before we're laughing so hard we almost puked. afterwords i came home. i miss that boy too often. and he's someone i only see like twice a week and for alittle. he;s leaving at the end of august.i get shivers at the thought of him being so far. anyway. cousin called afterwords and she picked me up to go over her bfs. i was so tired. i didnt get home till about 230. at this point i didnt know what the hell i was saying. i had had about...oh.....10 hours of sleep going on 4 days. as soon as i got home i collapsed on the bed and i was out. and today i woke up refreshed like nobodys buisness. i went for a long long run and stopped by to see steve at the park. mom came for a second to see what i was doing and then lisa pulled up out of nowhere. we all talked for a bit i went to lunch with steve and then came home. apperantly moms on vacation for a week. i had no idea. watever. i work tomorrow. i need a cigarette. blahblahblah. its time for another shower. that will be the second one for the day and its only 330. lovely :) whatever. i'm suppose to go play airhockey with elise matt and vinny later on today. i kinda want to eat corn. mhmm. Current Mood: refreshed (Comment on this)
Monday, July 25th, 2005
11:45 pm	crush me baby/ i'm all ears i havnt listened to my tbs cd in a long time. but i looked/found and listened to it today bc someone reminded me how much i use to sing to their songs over. and over. and over. my cousin recently broke up with her bf. the bf everyone thought she was going to marry and that the entire family approved of. for some reason she wanted to talk to talk to me about it. i dont get it. watever the point is. i sat there for 3 hours while she tryed to get me to tell her what happened. she told me the fights and all the drama and she wanted me to tell her what happened. "well, um, you see, uh." i am just the ONLY person you should ever be talking to about these things. DUH. bc you kno, i have been SUCH a genious with my own love life. my little cousin said "i kept tellin her to stop crying. i told her she wasnt gonna be pretty anymore if she kept crying, i told her veronica!" i laughed. DAMNIT I WANNA BE 6 AGAIN! but oh gez i think i've gone through the worst part of my teenage angst haha, i'd rather not relive it. i've gone to the shore frequently. i'm lovin it. i still havnt gone to rvcc. DAMNITES;OKHAGDSOIGDSAOIDHG;DSIGJ. i'm getting so angry. BUUUUUT i get off of work at 2 like every day cept thursday when i dont work in the morning. theres such a screwed up situation with college. i dont even kno how i'm paying for COMMUNITY COLLEGE. how did that happen to me? of all people? the over anal college freak that was toooootally prepaired to be into class ready to go with her pen and paper. bc ones male parental unit is retarded is why! sdighdsoglhndslg RAWR is all i gots to say :) today i had off. and i have the pleasent opportunity to just sleep. till daryl called and i yelled and went back to bed. and then i woke up and watched this movie on lifetime. damnit i love lifetime. someone told me that they found that SO weird. i think it was maybe bc their grandmother spent all day watching it. idk. i love the channel. i think theyre pretty smart movies. i mean. it beats watching the real world where some boston guy with an annoying [thats right i said it] accent tries to woe[did i spell that right?] a chick who likes to pretend she's all innocent. i hope they fuck already and just get it over with.oh. and i called daryl back after the movie. i'm not as mean as some think. i swear! tbs makes me sad. damnit. lol. all their songs are about bad how they have fucked up/depressed partners/breakups they cant remember bc theyre too drunk/lying/poser/sad relationships. i think i basically covered every taking back sunday song. correct me if i'm wrong. please. i need more books. and i need more razzles. and i need more sleep. i read in a book once that said that right before you go to sleep you feel as if you have a better understanding of the world, that throughout the day your understanding of life itself is made better and better bc of every situation you find yourself encountering,that everything, in the smallest and most unimportant detail is linked together and is part of this great big puzzle that we call life. and that is why some of us find comfort in sleep bc we CAN lay down knowing all the knowledge that can put our minds at rest, or dread it in fear of losing all those things once we close our eyes at the same time. i find comfort and fear. depends what night you catch me on. tonight i sleep in peace. Current Mood: satisfied (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 20th, 2005
11:30 pm	and its that look that you're giving me that tells me exactly what you are thinking... "i put on my overcoat and walked into winter - my teeth chattered rhythms and they were grouped in twos or threes, like a morse code message was sent from me to me."mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm it seems to be thats its becoming harder and harder to get my mind out of a book. its not that i dont appreciate the company of others during the summer where, most likely, i will, for the last time be able to spend time with friends of mine. my reaction to this oh so touching thought? fuck it. if i honestly care about that person and will truely miss that person as much as we may say now or act now then we will keep intouch.that simple statement coming from a good friend of mine, which i must say is as true as it comes. we will call, we will write a postcard with the single word saying HELLO on the back of it just to kno that we still remember them. so why should i stop my annual read-ever-book-i-can-get-my-hands-on-till-i-start-to-get-migrains-bc-of-it THIS year? this is my favorite part of summer. yea. call me a lozer. i suppose its just always been the time where i catch up to everything i didnt read during the school year. i must say i miss the library. damnit we had an amazing library. and damn me for never remembering to return that one book when i was like in 6th grade to the public library so now i cant take out any books from there either! i think when i get payed on friday i'll go to borders and get a frequent customer card thingy. jesus christ i've spent i think around $90 on books this week alone. not counting books i've stolen/borrowed/been given/harry potters 6th book. yea. i need to be stopped. infact i think this weekend i'll take a trip to the flea market up in watchung and get a paper bag filled with paperback books for 2 dollars. i love the used! [and no not the band(gag)] woooosh! i really went to a harry potter party at borders the night before it came out. call me a lozer. yea. i wanted a wizards hat but instead i spent the night playing crosswords with my friends katie zack and justin. we also made fun of each other/beat each other up/ looked at lovely girls in maxima. and i was introduced to...i believe its called high life? i laughed pretty hard. and then i found this magazine called bitch that was pretty interesting but waaay too all women sdl; i dont even know. i just touched my head and it seems to be that i have a bruise at the top of my head. and every time i touch my head in a certain place it hurts. wat. the. fuck. my goal this summer is to quit smoking. i'm failing horribly. BUT atleast i've been able to stop my chainsmokingstyle. ive been able to narrow down my smoking from about 10-20 cigs to one cig a day. thats a big change. trust me. and now i've just stopped having a cig every other day. and every time i expand that one day to more something happens and i fall right back. i need the patch. i need more chocolate[my second bad habit]. i have some how been able to keep it up this time i must say. the only difference this time is that, I have a plan! more like a strategy. watever. as everyone knows i have this crazy habit of making a list out of everything, anything, within seconds in my head. why? bc thats just how i roll. but its come in handy at work and when hanging out wiht friends. i start making lists, therefore keeping me too occupied to light up a cig. it might actually work. hopefully. if not. then i'll just have to try again. i have to go to rvcc and sign up for classes already. really. really. soon. like. as soon as possible soon. somehow i think i'm gonna end up putting all this shit off till next month and then i'll be fucked over bc i'll probably have no choices in what classes i wanna take. i wanna go to school already. i wanna learn. i found out death cab for cute and THE DECEMBERISTS were playing at central park for the summertime concert only to be let down yet again by the news that it was sold out. BUMMER. warped tour is on the 14th of august. moms bday is on the...omg....OMG WHENS MY MOMS BDAY!??!??!?!?! oh fuck. WAIT. the 9th. haha. there we go. and then a few more after that. now that i think about things, i wish i didnt spend money on tickets and instead spent it on new jeans [which i am in desperate need of] and a new pair of sneakers [the gray ones with neon stuff on it!!!bc damnit they look so nice] and more books. you can never have enough books.im sure i'll be a happy camper the night when i come back from all the shows but since the shows arnt like. TOMORROW. i dont see how i made the right choice. i need to quit my job. i need to quit and i need to quit NOW.im not getting paid enough. and idk if its even worth going out of my way to get to and fro. i wonder what i would look like with a shaved head. i miss the fall more then anything. all those colors....the mist that seems to hang over the town when you wake up for school. the smell of change. without the horrible allergys...the breeze that makes u zip up your jacket half way. i can hardly wait. i've been OFFICIALLY single for 5 months. but in my own head i'd like to think 9 months. both these numbers are the longest i have ever been single. GOOD. you see, i wouldnt have had to decide to be single for the rest of my senioryear/summer had it not been for fickle personality. but when has a girl ever taken ALL the blame? its boys perfect way of turning out to be nothing like you expected. and always letting you down. bottom line. its john cusacks fault. its too late for me to elaborate on that. but think about it. maybe you'll get it. maybe you wont. my mom put my new cheese strings in the freezer and when i went to look for them they were rock hard. i laughed pretty hard. that is after i started throwing them at people. admit it. you would have too. its time for bed. but before i depart i recalled a line from a very long time ago from one of my favorite writers: "be great in act as you have been in thought" -William Shakespeare beautiful yet something to work towards. Current Mood: content (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 12th, 2005
1:35 am	bop le bop de bop! "The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy" -Jim Rohn i found that somewhere. its such a simple saying, and i'm sure i've heard it before, possibly with a diffrent play with words, but none the less its at THIS moment that it stuck with me. i.dont.know. its not bc i'm lonely or crying bc i dont have a bf, its bc i'm gonna miss someone very dearly. my head has been in a constant bop movement for the last...2 weeks. it might be time for bed. florida is for lozers. lozers being daryl. Current Mood: relaxed (Comment on this)
Friday, January 7th, 2005
8:16 am	grrr arg ::yawn:: rawr winter break was great. i hung out wiht alot of people, got a new comp, new camera and getting my new ipod today. its gona be super fun! blah i'm so tired right now. my hairs all a poof and i have algebra hw to do. so let me hurry this up. karla came back from florida. daryl has yet to do so. i broke up with him on the fone, and i kno thats a dick like thing to do but damnit last time i did it in person i so totally backed out of it bc i didnt want to hurt him. and by that i only made it worse. gr. arg. rawr. by not having hiim here yet atleast i get some breathing time and a plan on how to react when he comes to see me. he said it the night that i broke up with him. and he's been texting me with the same thing ever since. my decision hasnt change, and it wont be changing any time soon. it'll just be bad....people visit me lots at work now, i'm happy :) jess came to visit me the other day, zack came, shawn n ryan n ryan and joe and this other kid came,ha, other kid, i'm horrible. well anyway! uuum davey and liam stopped by too and so did katie, ace, lisa, nick and his cousin, yea, lots of people, makes me feel so friggin special, like times a hundred.ut works been a little bitch too. gosh i wont be one to complain bc i need that job but damnit why do i get more and more tired every single time that i get out of work. its like after the holidays...not that much to do. uuum moms been putting on alot of country in the car and at home. i've been singing along to it. see my mom loves country, completly obsessed, and hwen i was little i learned all the classics of country, and now its kinda freaky how i learned these songs when i was so little and still remember it word for word. theres so many shows i wanna go to but so little money and time. i'm definetly going to the taste of chaos, now the question is just if im going the first day or the second day...I CANT FRIGGIN DECIDE! i mean i love atreyu..hard core, but alot of people are going onth first day with mcr[gag]. fuck it u kno wat i'm gonna go to see atreyu. i love them too much not to see them and i hate mcr, so [gag] atreyu it is! theres a show next week for the people that got affected by the tsunami. iiits tbs, like yesterday, senses fail, coheed and cambria and a few others, idk, i cant remember...and then in march!! haha yes thats right in MARCH, matchbook romance, from first to last and motion city soundtrack is playing. please tell me why i wouldnt get my tickets like right this second and just go wait in line now. i love matchbook and i missed them by one friggn day with tbs in california and they didnt tour with tbs on this side, and boom! heres my chance, let it be known i will be the girl with the norma jean shirt. haha. yes this concert is in marchand i already kno wat i'mg onna wear. :-P and then theres skate and surf in...march? and then theres warped tour but i'm not pushing for warped tour. but anywho, so i'm like aaaah. i gotta save up for the senior trip and thats 300....one whole check. i'm gonna just shot myself. then theres the yearbook...80 bucks man.....u kno out of all the checks i've gotten i have yet to go clothes shopping...which is crazy. i got hair clips tho!.....but thats besides the point lol.um. i hung out with shawn n them yesterday, it was fun, then i went to mcdonalds with zack and such. and then i went home. yea. thats all i remember i must of killed my memory cells or watever. i really need to do my algebra bc i keep failing that class....so yea. i updated. enjoi. (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 23rd, 2004
8:54 am	mm < 3 your a drug hit to my sanity. an acid trip to my well being. yea. yea. yea. (Comment on this)
8:39 am	why does everyone go south for the holidays? daryl left to florida. i'm angry. my holidays went down the friggin drain with that. he said he'd cal me when he got there and while he was down there and while he was coming back but i dont like the idea of not having him here for the holidays. i mean he spent thanks giving dinner WITH my family. we all made fun of his hair. he's gonna miss out on my whole family picking on me now with my shaggy over the eyes look. this wont be fun. gr. karlas going to florida too. wat the heck. i dont understand it. why does everyone insist on going to florida for the holiday. i mean i cant stand the snow after the first few days of having it on the ground and it does get awfully windy up here. but i wouldnt leave, its christmas...maybe they have families down there or something. idk.gr. arg. rAwr. i'm getting my computer today. hurrah. and school is now blocking myspace so i cant even try and work on my page during first period. oh well i guess i shouldnt be as addicted as i am but i cant help it. atleast its the last day before winter vacation. i'm her for an hour and a half. thats it. an hour and a half. i got a present from the librarian. yea. WHAT NOW. i'm best friends with her. we share the obsession of books...can you blame us? brian pinky swore that he was going to come during winter break and see me. possibly even go to a hamilton st show with me? eh? idk. we'll hang we'll chill. we'll hit up the town. or the mall. same thing...i thought i said i was gonna update this thing every day. i guess that didnt work out as i planned it to. i'm trying my best? eh. i'm sleepy. and the dim light that my hair now gives my eyes isnt helping. i feel like i just woke up every second of the day. and i LOOOVE it. oh yea, i cut my hair. long bangs and a short length.i can throw them to the side or leave them in my face. i'm likin it in my face. ok. bells gonna ring. and i'm gonna yell at the computer about myspace alittle more. happy holidays. Current Mood: sleepy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
8:38 am	most of this entry was a basic copy paste from zachs blog, i just edited it alittle....ok maybe alot. but still. here was my night. friday night anywho. sarah jess and i were an hour late to shawns bc sarah was nowhere to be found till 5. zach rode with us. and when we got to a toll, sarah had an ezpass so we pulled into the white area to wait for the guys but they didnt pull over n we had to find our way there from there.we got lost after we got off the turnpike. we got to the show at like 715. i left my purse with my wallet n fone in it in the car and zach left his jacket and car keys in the car. we missed the opening bands, seemless and folly. we got there just in time for from first to last. zach and i broke off from everyone else, and pushed our way to the front. i love them, they are amazing, they opened with emily n i was all smiles. wow, love them. they were so good. loooove them. after that band, we couldnt find anyone. we went back downstairs and bought merch and "cith my good looks" i flirted with the merch people got us some stickers. we used the restroom and i went into a cocaine mode[according to zach]. lol. we went back upstairs and sat in the corner and played patty cake i was so much better then zach. and soon after all these other people started following our trend and others started playing patty cake too. but they were playing it wrong so i had to go over and show them how it was done lol. we sat there as the blood brothers played, and lets just say we did ALOT of laughing and lots of weird high pitched screaming. finally sean and ryan found us. we hung out with them a bit and went to watch from autumn to ashes. yet again amazing, from wat i got to see of it anyway. shawn was helping me not get killed and he got hit and started bleeding...badly. so in a panic i tried catching up to him but the crowd closed and i got thrown around in the mosh pit for a bit. i fianlly go to crowd surf out of there and went looking for shawn but i didnt find him so i ran back upstairs and waited...and waited...and finally i saw him, he'd gone back to the front of the crowd trying to find me. we went outside so he could sit for a bit and i missed the end of fata. so HE BETTER APPRECIATE IT. we sat outside and talked for awhile and when walking down the stairs we saw the lead singer of every time i die. absolutly[sp?] lovely. we went downstairs to merch where we finally found the rest of the guys. i said "i'mgoing to find my friends i'll brb", and then they left. ::glares:: i went back upstairs and looked around and finally found jess again. she had fallen asleep on the side against the wall during andrew wk, when she told me that i just started laughing, hard. we went outside and waited till the end to see if sarah came out....she didnt. she was nowhere to be found, and thats when the really good show/night went down hill. she'd left, apperantly after talking to her that she thought we had left, tho that makes no sense and i'm still really fucking pissed about it. iafter realizing what the situation was i called the guys and told them what happened, zach said he would come back. sean told me they would be there at 2, it was 115. they kicked us out of the rexplex at 130. so there we stood outside for 2 hours with jess waiting for them. where were they? well, according to zach: "we all went back to seans and when i went to open my car i realized that i had left the keys in my jacket. ryan took me to my house and i got the extra key off my moms keychain. we went to dunkin doughnuts to get coffee to stay awake. we got on 287 and the turnpike. once we got on the turnpike we smoked another bowl. we made like 6 wrong turns we finally wound up at rexplex after stopping for directions 5 times and paying $5 worth of tolls. we got there and it was 400. they wernt even there, i guess they found another ride. this ruined seans night. we made it home in 45 mins using cruise control doing 85 the whole time. we went to sleep at 520" we werent there bc this lady that had been inside getting her son bc he lost his keys and had to call a tow truck to get the car came to where we were and asked us if we had a ride n if we were ok. they went outside when the tow truck came. and then they kicked us out. the lady and her son and his friend had been by the tow truck as they took the car away and they pulled up next to us when that was done and asked us if we needed a fone. we said no that we did have a ride coming but that was 2 hours ago and they still werent here. so she offered us a ride home. that was at 3:15. i didnt kno if to take it or not, bc the guys were on their way, but you kno it WAS two hours and our moms were pissed already. so we took the ride. i kno i kno not smart but....i just wont mention it to my mom...ever.she was really nice too didnt want us to pay her anything n said she had two girls n she didnt feel right leaving us that late outside with all the nutjobs in that town n would sleep better knowing we were home. but i gave money to the son and told him to give it to her later bc i felt bad.we got in at 4:15. horribly tired. i got back our stuff today. so i now have zachs lovely coat and lexi's keys, its a really nice jacket...really REALLY nice. and i have recovered my fone, with 46 missed calls and 17 voice mails. i felt loved. (Comment on this)
Friday, December 10th, 2004
8:29 am	amazing. thats really the only word i can think of using at this moment. bayside did AMAZING. their first headlining tour, i have only the best wishes for those guys. action action did great too. i havnt listened to them a much as i have bayside, but they have great music out, it was great. it ended up being just me and daryl bc sarah could not get off of work. we tried waiting for her as long as possible but it just wasnt happening. but she wants to go on the 13th and see them bc she really wanted to go. and you kno me, i'd never pass up a chance to go see bayside. i got home late. i didnt even see the time. i fell asleep with my clothes on. i woke up to my mom vacumming again. and i have work at 12 but i get off at 4 so i'm not complaining. i will then be off to go get my moms present and then to hamilton st. with katie. yea. should be fun. besides the concert, i didnt work yesterday. hurrah! and so i came home and feel asleep after class. i then woke up and got ready to go ticket shopping with shawn and his friend zach. i just hadnt seen shawn in so long. too long honestly. and after hanging out with him i only miss him more. but hey, thats wat happens when u have no mode of transportation. so we went on our way to vintage vynl[spelling?]. oh boy. we got lost. haha we were like in st. island or some bs like that. so we took the last exit in jersey and ended up in a little town. we ended up stopping at like a hair salon and i asked for directions. pretty damn good directions too might i add. we kepyt driving but, we got hungry, so we stopped at a quick-e-mart and got food...or muffins and hot tamales actually lol but thats still something! then more driving and finally we got there! woohoo they have a great selection of music there. so we got the tickets for the show on the 17th and then back we came. for a second there we thought we were lost again. but we werent. so its all good lol. well, bell rang. its friday. fuck yea. great weekend ahead of me too. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 8th, 2004
8:46 am	every star that i see is brighter than the last friday night i went to see spongebob. it really sucked. no. really. it really really sucked. lol. we got out of there and me and darling went to white rock. THAT SHIT IS SCARY .holy mother. but its such a nice friggin view. after that i came home. and went to bed. and he called me when he got home, and sang to me. oh joy :-D. on saturday lisa caome over and we went to shoprite and bought a big bag of reese pieces. < 3 < 3. we then proceeded to go to the school play. i mean i was laughing the whole time, it wasnt half bad, and it was something to do. monica was there and i miss that girl like you wouldnt believe. if she were still here alot of things would have been diffrent. i def. wouldnt of made a lot of the decisions i made bc she woulda helped me think things out. and realize how BAD they really were.not that the answer wasnt obvious but watever. afterwords everyone grouped. i was tired. like, lets fall asleep against these lockers wow. i talked with monicas mom! and told her how much i missed her food. she laughed. i realized how much i really missed not only her but her family. i use to be there 24/7. no joke. i then left with monica and mario. it was a nice outing in which me and mario made fun of people, actually one person, actually piece. but he knows i love him but my lord wat an alcoholic since college started! lol you silly goose. we then went to mcd's to meet up with krystal and finally i went home. but shortly after daryl came over. and he asked me out. and i said yes. and there you go. its been views/latenightfonecalls/screaming/biting ever since. and i've been all smiles, except for the every once in awhile argument. and its always over the same topic too. the same stupid topic. i really wish i could change how i feel. but i cant. and that makes me want to be sufficated at the thought of hurting daryl. if things werent like they are, he'd basically be everything i've ever wanted and more. in personality, appearence, and he's so much more...idk. stupid me. sunday was the meeting. tis mucho fun. oh yeaaa. there were piggy back rides, hip bones, nailing tables and lots of cigs. its a spazfest at that store. which makes it all the better. throughout the week was nice. in class i fell asleep. oops. daryl picked me up monday bc i was feeling HORRIBLE. i was so sick i couldnt stand on the floor and had to kep going in the back to sit every once in a while. dan gave me his sweater. which was always nice and got me crackers [I< 3CRACKERS]. yea. tuesday/yesterday i just layed around and stayed home from school. i needed the energy and then went to work at night. WAY TO KILL A DAY OF REST. but anywho, the mother picked me up and we went to dd. bc dd is awsome. except i really wanted a coffe coolatta, but it was like midnight, i wouldnt of gotten any sleep. today daryls picking me up again. and i will smile. bc he makes everything so much better. how did i get so friggin lucky? i'm not sure. tomorrows bayside, it was a definite that i was going like two weeks ago, and now that its tomorrow i'm not even sure anymore. which is really dissappointing seeing as thats by favorite band and idk how long it will be till the come back around again. i was planning on dragging daryl there, but he dont really enjoy bayside, he likes their sound but not enough to go see them, or buy their cd at that. if i asked he'd go, but if he's not going to enjoy it then whats the point you kno? but i mean, its bayside. how much better can you get? not much. if any at all. but if all else fails i'll go hang out with shawn. i havnt seen that kid in forever! and it was always fun having him around. he is quite the character. oh yea, i might still be failing algebra, that could be a problem. Current Mood: indescribable (Comment on this)
Friday, December 3rd, 2004
8:35 am	yoursuchasucker i've been workin alot. ALOT. woooo, but ateast its been fun. specially if i work with brian or dan, or brian and dan at the same time! we throw stuff at each other, talk about workin on tables, hah, oh my gez, yesterday was great tho, it was me brian pat and mike. haha. theyre good peoples. sure made the 8 hours go by like wow. stacy visits more often, which is nice bc she always wants to go on cigarette breaks. what a scene. she's a funny girl, she like wants me to go out with her friend and i say NO! too old. then again. idk. he's like 20. not bad but gez. worked on monday with christina, yea it was fun, this really cute guy walked in and he almost hit me with the vectron, so he apologized n started to talk. holy dgskjhg his hair was beautiful. he had soft pale white skin and almost black hair. wooow. and you kno what made it even better? he had an alk3 hoodie. any better? i think not! unless it was a bayside hoodie. but my bayside hoodie rules over all others. i went to applebees after work with tina, oh yea, mucho fun. when isnt it fun to go eat with her. hah.spent most of my break with daryl yesterday, mmm yes fun. schools been good, i signed up for 2 classes during the spring semester, and my algebra grade is actually going up. even tho me danny and nick still dont do shit. actually nick does do stuff but me and danny make sure he's distracted every other minute. the new thing in that class is to take pictures. pictures of our shoes, of teachers ass, of nicks ass, dannys gangster outfit of the day, me from dannys view[haha that was great], of my side, of my colar bone. hey, anythings better than math. lol baysides on the 9th, i'm as excited about it as the last/first time i went to see them. on the 17th theres this great show at the rexplex, iiiiits fromfirsttolast, fromautumntoashes, poisonthewell, boys night out, folly, seemless, blood brothers, andrew wk. that should be great. lots of people are going. lots of people i look forward to seeing. well, bell rang. today i'm spose to hang out with MY lovley crazy.[mine mine mine all mine :-P] movies[spongebob?] food and views. wtf. how much better? and work during saturday meeting sunday. and i have lots of room for YOU ;D and oh yea, i talked with her. everythings ok. i have no reason to be angry. well i do, but i dont. i just wanna forget it ever happened honestly. i wish i could just say the same about him. haha. someone should just knock me out so i could go back to sleep. :-P < / 3 Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 27th, 2004
3:46 am	its a new trend wtf?!?! i'm just a mess right now. i threw my fone. and EVEN THO it dosnt work[have incoming/outgoing call service] it will work in a few days but now i think i broke it!!! i hate stupid people. no. i really do. they make me get all messy and just be all upset. i'm not even making sense right now. wtf..i fuckin found something out today. and i got really upset. i found out that one of my "good friends" went back on her promise, she did what she promised she wouldnt do,which was SO SCUMMY! wtf. ugh. so why have been upset for the last like. week. why have i lost my appetite, even tho i've just the most hungry fuck you will ever meet? alright fuckers. here it goes. for a year and a half, i was talking, on and off with a boy. a boy who i considered not only my best friend but much more. it was a year and a half of drama, of one of us hating the other, or one of us being heart broken bc of the other. that was a year and a half of being with other people, but always coming back to each other. yea. a year and half later we finally get together, and boy was i happy. i hadnt been that happy in a long time. i mean what more could i ask for. my best friend was also my bf. i could call him and he would make everything great. i'd complain he'd listen, i'd be serious, he'd make me fall onto the floor in a laughing havic. idk. it was great. and then. one day the fone calls stopped, and when i was online, i wasnt im'ed by him. the attempt to try and see me stopped. the attempt to atleast pretend that he cared when i did get the chance to see him stopped. yea. it stopped dead in its tracks. and i was left with just doubt. about everything. i really couldnt deal with it anymore so i called him and asked him, do you still want to be with me. and he said idk. wow. haha. yea. i didnt expect that one. i expected anything BUT that. yea. it was bad. so after me trying to figure everything out and him saying "i just didnt look forward to talking or seeing you as much", i said "i'm sorry i wasnt something you wanted to stick around for". and then his fone went dead. yea. it died. in the middle of that conversation. bad fucking timing. but whatever you kno?! atleast it happened, right?! so now i have to go through this whole shit of being ok. I CAN BE OK. and i will be. ugh. but it just dosnt help when some of your friends are on their dicks. like. ok. idc! if ur friends with them. no, i really dont. that would be a scummy thing for ME to do. so ok, i just mention to one of my friends i was alittle uncomfortable with how she was coming on to him. she apologized. and i forgot about it. why was i going to fuss? and when i got out of work the othe day, i saw them all together, him and her and my other good friends as i came back from a cig with brian. i didnt care! i mean its not even for me to be angry about! i'm not even with him anymore! but the next day, i got to hear that she was all over him at a friends get-together. i thought, ok...well its just flirting everyone flirts i'm not gonna make a big deal out of it. but then i got to hear a few minutes later that she had kissed him! now, i'm sorry but that crossed the line and i had to take a walk around the mall about 4 times before i stoped tearing up and shaking. i hate when i get that upset. i always promised myself i wouldnt let things that out of control. i should have just never let it mean that much to be. but i did. bc i let my guard down. what a fuckin idiot i am. so basically, i got done dirty by my friend, and my heart broken by my best friend. i'm just so hurt. but i wont say anything. bc i dont need any more shit in my life. other than taking my dad to court, and having to deal with my grandmother not being ok. I DONT NEED THIS RIGHT NOW. so why does EVERYONE insist on letting me down... i guess its just a new trend. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 24th, 2004
9:14 am	like wow. i went to a show on sunday. it was tbs, atreyu, ffaf and like yesterday. lead singer of ly is amazing. amazing voice. ffaf, was crazy, loved it. tbs, people were such fucking douche bags, but i still got to the front. yea i did. and atreyu, my gosh. they were as good as they always have been. its sick how good they are. yea they are. i came out with a few bruises, but i've lived through worse. we were on our way home, and we got into an accident. fuck. yea. we got lost on our way home bc no one would listen to me or yelled at me, so i just sat in the back and sang along to incubus. loudly. i got home, i went online, and daryl im'ed me. he made me smile, and then i went to bed listening to his bands music. gosh i love that kid. a few days ago i was bad. like, bad as in upset like you wouldnt believe. he asked how i was and i told him. he was at my house no more then 10 minutes later saying get in the car we're going for a car ride. i hoped in, hoping he wouldnt throw me off a bridge, or something of that sort. he took me to washington rock, which is just where george washington had his army camp out. or something, watever. well, point is that theres a BEAUTIFUL view up there, especially now bc the skies are so clear and bright. and i'm a sucker for views. he remembered...and so he took me so i would feel better. and it was great. all the stars were so beautiful. we sat there and i talked to him and i cried and made a wish on as many stars as i could. an obvious wish. a wish that i kno wont come true but if it did would make me feel so much better. he dropped me off at home and said he'd be back in a few. about 20 minutes later he was at my house again with a bag full of stuff to bake cookies and a single flower. a purple one. i smiled. and while he baked my cookies [heart shaped might i add] i was online talking. and smiling. we ate the cookies together. and then he said goodnight and left, blasting matchbook romance, bc he's just the best like that. that was the last thing i remember eating. till last night, i ate more cookies, more like the batter, but watever. schools been eh. work has been eh..my outlook on college has gone through the roof tho. 9 more months. you damn fuck. i'm tired. bye. Current Mood: restless (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 17th, 2004
8:43 am	in self defence, i wont sleep a wink to prevent dreaming of yOu. wow so, lets get back to updating this shiz. iiiiii went to see bayside, hawthorne heights and mest with rich n sarah. was so much fun. i heart bayside <3 <3 [haha wat a scene]. we didnt stay for mest...bc we dont like mest. then we went to the merch table n we got to talk to anthony [lead singer of bayside]. yes, he's god. haha. i went to see the bronx [yeaaaaa!!] the bled and the used with rich steve n mario. there was another band, cant recall their name tho, but they did really well. the high light of it was probably that quinn and bert kissed. oh yEa. i was lovin it. and gosh can they put on a show. its been a long week, or..two weeks watever. and i've had a cold sore. it hurts...two papers to do, work, and just alot of thinking. last night i got no sleep wat so ever. dont you hate when that happens? i think i counted all the stars on my cieling about a zillion times. then i just started humming songs to myself. haha. i'm such a trip. point is i got into school today and i had huuuuuge bags under my eyes and theyre so swollen. it looks like someone punched me. crazy. and theyre so damn red, people would think i was as high as a kite. we're spose to go to the field today with the whole senior class and with all of us standing make an '05 formation. for the yearbook. and i have work.arg. this sunday i go see tbs, atreyu and ffaf. should be fun. when is fun not involved when adam and brandon are on stage.[like wow] not looking forward to it as much as i was tho. well i am, idk. gah. i need to stop thinking bc thats wats getting me bonkers. wow this was a long blog, which no1 will read and no1 will comment on. but oh well. its kept me occupied for most of first period. <3 Vero. the truth, is you could slit my throat. and with my one last gasping breath i'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 16th, 2004
8:26 am	yea. i always decide to make new things, or break them during first period. today, with the help of elise, who was also bored, i decided to make this. i mean, whats the point in just making blogs every single day on my myspace? this is good, i like this. it just seems very, easy. easy is good. so for those that dont kno me, and thats basically all of you, my names veronica. i'm 17 years old. i live in south bound brook, new jersey. i was born in fresno, california. i miss it, dreadfully. i moved to jersey when i was still a lad and i've moved around a few times but i ended up staying in somerset county, and i ended up in this little town. i love it. i'm a senior at bbhs and i'm a pretty good student, except when it comes to math. i'm failing that right now. and its killing my gpa. watever. anyway. i wanna go to either fdu, mcu, tcnj, ru or kean for college. i'll cross my fingers. i like music. alot. thats all i do. i do hw and i listen to it, i work i listen to it, i eat, sleep, walk, run, paint, do chores and listen to music. it keeps me going. especially when i'm down. i've done that alot today. i was in 1st period and i didnt understand why the bell wasnt ringing. well, i forgot tomorrows thanks giving and that we have a half day today, and that we have no more school the rest of the week, and that every period is 50 min.s long today. wat the hell. watever. i havnt been hungry for the past week and a half and i'm still not hungry. the best day of the year for being hungry, and i'm not. wat the hell. crap. work? i'll write in this later. Current Mood: chipper (Comment on this)